If only I had a dollar for every time someone told me, "You're what every guy is looking for!" Like many of my gal pals have in the past, a college chum exclaimed this yesterday. A few guy friends have told me this as well. However, I'm convinced that my qualities are what guys say they're looking for, but they truly don't want.
My girls seem to believe that my independence is what would make me desirable. Guys don't want to be smothered, they say. Ah, but I think they secretly want to be coddled and smothered. The fact that I care more about my life, my career (I'll have one soon, OK!) and me more than I do for them is not what they want. They want someone who puts them on a pedestal and never forgets about them. They want to be first in our lives. So, independence=undesirable.
The other quality that others seem to think will attract guys is my love of sports. After playing basketball one day, I had drinks with my roommate and her guy friend who refuses to understand my lack of long-term relationships. When I talked about my day's events and the fact that I was bored and just wanted to go throw a football around at the beach, he tried to tell me, "There are a million guys who are saying, I wish I had a cool girl to be with who just wanted to do stuff like throwing around a football." This is a lie. Guys do not want these types of girls. That is what their guy friends are for. They would much rather spend their time tackling each other and tossing around the football to the dudes than playing it with a girl. They like to play sports with girls, so they can show off. They do not want a girl who really likes sports. They want a girl who giggles at their own lack of athletic prowess, needs help with it and oohs and aahs over their skills. That's who they want to throw the football around with.
So, just what are the worth-it guys looking for? That was a question four girls pondered in TriBeca last night. Just as important, what am I looking for? I can't answer that, either.
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3 comments:
Hm, I also saw wedding crashers the other day. My favorite part of the movie was the fact that the crazy girl ended up happy. There is hope for us yet my dear.
And here is my prediction for you, emcee j r. I think you WILL meet a guy that you will put on a pedestal. I think there is someone in your future that will make you defy everything you are used to. And then you will marry this guy, and play football and do the crossword and be happy.
Do any of you actually think there is a perfect boyfriend or girlfriend? We want what we can't have and that's what keeps us alive. Remember: conflict = wanting something and not being able to have it.
If we were to have everything we wanted, we would be dead and in heaven. Or some equivalent. I think we are supposed to reconcile these differences. Jon is perfect and yet I get so frustrated with him. But do I let him go just because I get irritated at his love and affection?
I think you're right - guys in general don't want a independent girl who really likes sports. They are generally threatened by both. However, there will be one guy, like Amy says, who will be different. Though I am curious as to when this "happiness" thing is supposed to happen...
Agh! I bite my lower lip! And I've never seen Wedding Crashers. But I'm still sticking with my comment, oh Perfect Girl. And didja read that comment above? Whoever that guy is who reads your blog just said that a guy needs his space, but wants a girl who digs a little football every so often. Sigh. xo, Tina
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