The Asian fetish. For a reason that will go unstated, my roommate Amie and I took a small survey yesterday of where some white guys get an Asian fetish -- and whether or not that should keep me from dating them.
Our first two specimens -- two 18-year-olds -- confirmed my belief, that yes, Asian girls according to porn have been depicted as liking to have sex in a um, compromising position. Trying to convince me, though, that that couldn't be the only reason white guys have an attraction to Asian girls, Amie prods out of them that there is some draw to the "exotic" look and that Asian gals tend to age well.
My argument, however, is that it's creepy to date a white guy who grew up around white people but whose last five girlfriends were Asian. It's not the same as saying "I like blondes," "Younger guys are so cute," or "I just like dating tall guys." Why is it different you say? Because it's not just a preference -- there's a whole underlying issue there. It's not just one physical characteristic -- it's a whole race thing, cultural thing, and East-West belief thing. And even the physical things we're attracted to tell us about ourselves -- as girls, maybe we like tall guys because they make us feel safe when we're in their arms, younger guys because we can boss them around or we're afraid of aging, or blondes because they fit into the media-driven ideal of the "beautiful" person. So, what does "preferring" a whole race say about said guy?
There's also the fact that Asian females have been objectified in mainstream (which in America is pretty much white) media in a way that other females haven't. As my friend Jennifer noted in a recent article, Vince Vaughn's character in Wedding Crashers makes a comment, "She was my first Asian" when talking about a girl he slept with. Funny? Yes...but it's something that is said about Asian girls that would never be said about black girls or latino girls. And as a short person, is a good pick-up line for you, "Hey! I LOVE short girls" while staring at you? No. Nor is "Dude! I LOVE blondes." But this is the crap I had to deal with way too much with the country bumpkins in rural Missouri. And as one who grew up hearing those trashy pick-up lines, I know that a lot of guys in cities are thinking the same way but are just a little more well-spoken.
And perhaps I know that I'm so much more than what race I am. I have depth, personality, and spunk (that's what I like to call it). And that's what I look for in guys. If you took all my past dates, crushes, and pseudo-boyfriends, you'd be hard-pressed to find much in common with their looks or interests. I like them as people, not because they're 6'6" or 5'8" or because they're American or Bulgarian or because they're white or brown. I like the person. I expect my partners to be the same way.
In reality, though, I guess it doesn't matter whether or not a possible boy has had zero or 15 Asian girlfriends, but what does matter is how I feel around him. If he makes me feel objectified for any reason, I'm gone. Or if he brings up that compromising position, that might make me leave, too.
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9 comments:
I totally agree with you on this subject. I have had guys in the past tell me about their attraction to Asian girls...and it creeps me out! I can appreciate the fact that maybe we do seem exotic...but if in reality...all you are attracted to is my Asian looks...then it's doomed.
haha you sure are spunky! -Tina
I have to say that I am almost positive that my last two boyfriends had this fetish. Oh yeah, and both are from small white towns. For example, here is a list of my boyfriend's last girlfriends: 2000-2001- Jewish, 2002-Chinese/Thai mix, 2003-2004- caucasian, 2004 Indian, 2005 Indian. Oh and fooled around w/ a Phillapino girl in Undergrad. However, I am not creeped out. Maybe because there were a few non-asians thrown in the mix. My ex-boyfriend explained that he liked "ethnic" women because he is so pale that he feels it is his instinct to go for darker skinned girls to balance out his offspring. Interesting.
I AM grossed out when strangers approach me w/ their fetish and where they buy their tofu and lemongrass from or their travel stories. Ewww. I don't think people of other races get embarassed when people dig their kind. On Match.com it tells you to list your race preference. That's why my brother is so bummed out that "white" girls NEVER list asians. Especially in Texas. Mostly just caucasian or latino. He should move back to California.
Who knows, maybe it's the lack of hair that the guys like so much. Ewwww. Alright, I'm getting out of line. I may leave another comment on this.
Okay, this thing...this fetish is quite strange to me. I know many people that prefer one race over the other, guys that like latin girls, black girls, asian girls, but that's stupid. Just think of all the people you're missing out on because you only date certain people. I think that I am the furthest thing from asian as one can get....i know nothing about my heritage, background or country and, yes, I know that's horrible, but it's true. The only thing asian about me is my eyes....The other comment about the guy that only dated asian girls because he's pale, that's just f**kin weird!! I just asked my boyfriend why he liked asian girls, and he said, "it just happened that way....coincidentally...", (he's only been with me and one other girl), but the black man's response would be, "asian girls are the new blondes...instead of a white girl, date an asian."
Well, that's just some of my thoughts....
Whew! Glad I'm not the only Asian girl who feels this way! What I do find funny is that my white guy friends who I asked to comment balked on it...hmmm...
But I have to say that I feel this topic needs further investigation...I may have to do a full-on experiment on this...perhaps I'll get my PhD in the attraction to Asian women. But that may be taken the wrong way...
And thanks for saying I'm spunky, Tina!
PS: I think I'm going to ask my roommate's boyfriend about his ex...she was Asian. Said roomie said it's OK if I asked him if he asked his ex about that compromising position...
Aw, Jimmy...I miss you! And your wonderful words of wisdom! Hmmm...huntin' for the men...I'll work on that...
For what it's worth, I thought I would add my two cents. You'll probably hate everything I have to say, but I'm going to be honest with you.
First of all, yes, I'm a white male. And, yes, I absolutely adore Asian women. My wife is Chinese (from Chongqing, China) and I adore her.
I wold be one of those terrible (or at the very least, strange) men who has a "thing" for Asian women. I think that, for some men, an Asian fetish stems from the fact that they are looking for a doormat; they believe the Western stereotype that Asian women are soft-spoken submissive slave girls who will never utter their own opinion about anything.
Other men, and I put myself in this category, find Asian women very very esthetically and physically attractive. But I use the word ethetically also to mean the entire way that Asian women carry themselves. There is a cultural component to this esthetic as well because many Asian women are very family-oriented, they are respectful of others, and in many instances they are encouraged to be very feminine.
A man feels so much more of a man when around such overt femininity. Please don't confuse femininity with weakness, either. Women are different than men, majically and wonderfully so. Femininity is a strength, not a weakness. I can't think of another culture who is so appealingly, esthestically, or physically feminine.
The Asian cultures are beautiful and fascinating. Don't knock it; embrace it.
When a man is attracted to you because you are Asian, you should take it as a complement that, in his eyes, you are perfection and no other "type" of woman comes even close to achieving that perfection compared to you. Most every other ethynicity just seems so "plain Jane" compared to even a moderately attractive Asian woman.
It really is the whole package. Don't be so freaked out. Just appreciate it and own it! :)
i must say jayna...a pretty significant portion of the girls at captainstabbin dot com are asians. that might support your theory.
Well said sacscott.
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