Sibling Revelry

At my great-aunt's funeral in September, I was in awe as I watched the reaction of two people. Now, in all honesty, the death wasn't a surprise; Aunt Ethel was 96 years old. But, as her son grieved, everyone avoided him. He had his space. Even his wife had to let him have his own personal grief time. Our Aunt Betty, Ethel's sister, used the time to catch up with friends and family. She broke down slightly in the funeral when asked to speak. The reason? She's the last of her siblings -- a group of seven kids. Before, she'd always had someone to grieve with, now, she was grieving on the shoulders of her nieces and sister-in-law.

I bring this up, because lately I've been thinking a lot about siblings. I think there are some certain social situations that are seen completely differently depending on if you had or had not siblings while growing up. Neither is right or wrong, but probably because I grew up with siblings, I prefer how we with siblings look at those situations.

And last night I spent a few hours with an LA friend and her brother, who's only two years younger than us. I found so much fun in watching the two of them interact. Though they look quite opposite (one petite with curly blond hair, the other stocky with straight brown hair), they shared the same mannerisms. She told him when he was acting like a brat. He had a slightly worried look on his face when a creepy guy with a black eye hit on her. They talked about their mom and joked about what silly/weird things she does. They talked about how great their mom was. And these are things that can only happen between siblings.

Siblings can call you out on your behaviors, and you know they're doing it out of love (although it can still be annoying, you don't go through the same psychological analysis of your relationship as when a friend says, "you're being a brat!"). They can protect you. They understand that while your parents are annoying and weird, they are some of the greatest people in the world; and when you're making fun of parents, you're actually recalling happy memories.

With siblings, our lives and personalities often become defined by rigid descriptions. One is the "smart" one; one the "loving one. Or one is the "funny" one and the other the "popular" one. And there will almost always be sibling rivalry -- but in all honesty, aren't we always placed in descriptions and in a struggle to break free from them? Our friends may give us tags like the "charming" one or the "always-up-for-a-party" one that define us. Our houses were just early breeding grounds for that.

And maybe that's how I feel about siblings. They are a breeding ground for how we're supposed to or will interact with the rest of the world as we get older.

But they don't just train us for life later; they also share memories and know your thoughts. And when life comes to an end for a loved one, siblings are the only ones who can understand. Yes, I enjoy lots of alone time. (LOTS, in fact) However, even though I may have not been pigeon-holed in personality and had a swimming pool growing up, I wouldn't have two people now that I hate and love so much. Or that understand me.