I love travel because I get to see new places and meet new, interesting people. And the people. How I love bringing new people into my life. But why? I like having many acquaintances but not many "friends". I hate telling people private things about my life. I hate having my friends meet each other. I hate having people find out about my past. And that's why I like to travel. I am able to meet people, make friends with them and leave before they begin to see anything that could be a flaw (not that I have those or anything . . . ).
I've said that vulnerability is the most painful emotion that I can feel. It's one thing to be rejected by someone I don't know. It's another for people to reject me after they've gotten to know me. So, now I have to figure out if that's the only reason I want to travel. (I've been considering for months taking a year-long trip around the world to many third-world countries) To add more stamps to my passport and names to an address book? But all the while hide in a suitcase. And not make any meaningful relationships or friendships.
I spend so long projecting a Jaynar that's different on the outside that when someone sees my private life, other friends or my past, it's not what's expected. And I've spent so much energy on making surface Jaynar likable (although I'm not claiming success in that area, either), that once the suitcase is opened, it's empty. Once it's opened up, I've already moved on to someone/somewhere else. It's just much easier padlocking that sucker shut.
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All I have to say my friend is that I wouldn't be your friend if I didn't think that there was something there. When you came to visit me I was going through a tough work situation and my personal life was changing as well. You were there to listen and actually gave me some great advice...discussing women and our thoughts is my favorite thing to do with you. I wouldn't want a friend that didn't have flaws too!!!
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