From a young age, I've been conditioned to think about how I'll take care of myself in the future. I know that I have to figure out how to have a career that I enjoy but that will also support me. I know what I have to do to get there, and I'm working to get myself there.
When I think of my future, it's not that I believe I'll put my career first in life. I mean, the hope that I'll someday have a husband was enough for me to opt to not become a broadcast sports reporter. But I do know that I'll always want a career that is fulfilling and that provides me with enough finacially. I've seen too many women who were so reliant on their husband's income that they stayed in abusive relationships or marriages that lacked any love. I've also seen enough women who were completely staggered by the loss of their husband (through divorce or death) and were at a complete loss financially. I don't want that to be me. My future, if ever, husband will have to know that I don't need him because of what he can give me financially but need him because of what he gives me in other areas of life. And I will know this as well.
Taking all this in, that's not to say that finding a man who is financially well-off is a turn off. Men who are stable financially offer me the opportunity to have what I've planned for...and more. But men who are not, are scary. It's not that I have to have men to support me. But nowhere was I raised to plan for supporting a man. So when a guys' financial status is in limbo, it's hard to get past that. It's not in my vernacular. I can support myself, but I can't support a man, too. But after talking to many of my female friends lately, it's something I've come to realize guys don't understand about many of us. Some guys have even gone so far as to call my like-minded friends gold-diggers.
Guys, we're not gold-diggers. We just don't have the money to be a sugar momma.
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2 comments:
To what extent does this apply? Am I a deadbeat? I have a steady job, no credit card debt, and am going to open a savings account soon. I still live paycheck to paycheck though. Judge me Jayna! For the love of Gosh judge me!
Now, I wasn't calling anyone a deadbeat.
I just have a few friends who have been supporting their boyfriends for a while, and I've been listening to their frustrations. And in reality, those things are not frustrations at all if the girl knows the relationship is "the one" (if you believe in "the one"...). As a "self-sufficient" yet caring person, I would be OK with helping my future mate live out his dream...if I could be sure he would later do the same for me.
So, really, it's more about insecurity than money. Maybe that's what guys don't understand, then...hmmm...something for me to think about.
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